Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in dolorie's LiveJournal:

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Monday, October 27th, 2003
4:10 pm	Kudos To The Best Birthday Ever This has been an awesome birthday. Aside from wonderful gifts, my bestbud amanda moses threw me the best "shindig" ever. All of my good friends attended, and we danced to rocky horror picture show. Amanda baked me a cake that read "Happy Aren't you glad your parents had sex day" complete with icing sperm and a fertilized egg. Though it disturbed me greatly, I ate it anyway. Hey, I was hungry, leave me alone. ;-) We went halloween carroling, singing variations on old christmas songs, and moses had us wander the neighborhood for about 40 years. My parents gave me $50 dollars and a cellphone so I am happy. Things are good for me right now, and I will not be sad or lonely for the time being. I am 17, and free. I will no longer pine over what is lost, and I am moving on my merry way. I entered a writing contest, and I am going to write more short stories from now on. its been a good day. Current Mood: determined Current Music: Barenaked Ladies "Baby Seat" (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 16th, 2003
7:53 pm	PSATea time! Its funny having finals, the psats, and your birthday all coinciding with your birthday. Next week, I shall have a grand celebration, that will involve constumes and cake, to commemerate my birthday. Something one might call a birthday party! Yes I am a dork, now leave me be. I finally got my picture taken for the year book, on a page for where todays youth hangs out after school. Well, of course I didn't say where I usually am after school, which is at home, playing video games and eating sausage in my underwear, so i put the book store, where me and 'mandy go every now and then. quote: I really like books, I hope to someday, actually be able to read them. I am also entering a scholastic writing competition, and hope to win at least that acknowledgement award thingamajigger or whatever. Im working hard on a story, something that some judge out there will read. The muse was with me today, thankfully, whilst my classmates took their final. Hee hee, I scored a B in the class, I got to exempt! *cheers* My english teacher is incredolously nice, so I feel sort of bad, about hardly ever working in class. Somehow, though, I pulled off getting an 80, so its been a good day. I am such a mediocre student. Ah well. Its been a good day. *munches sausage* Yup, a good day. Stop looking at me like that, I'm on the atkins diet! *lowers head in shame* no im not...... *sighs and continues munching sausage* Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: "Creep" Radiohead (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 17th, 2003
9:04 pm	substitute key I was coerced by my bladder yesterday into burglarizing my own apartment after i forgot my key. I wouldn't have had to do this, if only my dads car hadn't broken down and I didn't have to walk home. I realized that spending the next 2 hours outside was not an exciting prospect, and that chunk of cement was the perfect size for breaking windows. So the cement was my substitute key. ::Sigh:: I have been feeling so down lately and I don't know why. Things have just felt...off. I don't know why, it just feels something has happened that has changed things. Its an odd feeling, and sometimes I don't know whether to be happy or sad. After so many months of squashing down sad thoughts and feelings, i am confused about my current state, and I don't know how to feel anymore, much less act. I need to get my thoughts together. Current Mood: listless Current Music: "Rainbow Connection" Kermit The Frog (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 31st, 2003
11:08 am	casualties of fabric paint I had fun this weekend, I went to my best friend amandas house to make posters for a club I started at school. We are WAK, the writers association o' kerr highschool. The posters are awesome, and martin, amanda, and I, put our handprints on one, and we then chased each other around with paint all over our hands like morons. My shirt was a casuality of this, and after marty smeared it with purple paint, amanda decided to tatoo it with her name, and I wrote the date. Hee hee, so great. Im surprised my parents were not mad about it. I talked to yhaun till the wee hours of the mornin' last night, we had a lot of fun. God, I miss him....... i can't believe I'm awake this early on a sunday. I usually sleep till 1 in the afternoon. I feel so strange. I wake up every morning feeling so lightheaded and airy. This song is so sad, Its basically about a man who loves a woman but has to leave her, even though he really knows its wrong. He justifies it by saying that he has never had anything for a long time, and its just not his way. Oh well...... Current Mood: feeling strangely fine Current Music: Marshall Tucker Band "pretty little love song" (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 6th, 2003
11:19 pm	this summer can be officially declared over, on august 14th ah, my 16th summer, filled with all the drama a teenager can ask for. I had fun, even with all of the crap I put myself through. I am busily preparing for the new school year, I am now entering my second to hopefully last year of highschool. I am holding my breath, hoping that I can get everything done. I am currently talking to a friend of mine who has not matured since 7th grade. She doesn't know me at all anymore, and this is sad, because we were best friends for years and years and years. I think maybe it is because I am growing up and actually changing , and she is still the same person she has always been. Every guy she is attracted to is a loser druggie, and I have stopped trying to make her feel good about herself. And she has the nerve to judge me when she puts me on the phone with her idiotic friends and i get annoyed because they are insulting me. I just wish I wasn't obligated by my undying loyalty towards old companions to keep ties with her. i had to talk her down from suicide last week. Oh well. Other then that, my week has been good. Current Mood: worried Current Music: Poltergeist (Its not a song, I don't know why i wrote that) (Comment on this)
Monday, July 21st, 2003
12:15 am	Summer school break-n's I had to return my library books to summer school the day after it ended. The door to the school was not supposed to be open, but apparently, the gods were smiling apon me on this particular rainy friday I did not know this fact, and when I went into the front office to return my books (I didn't get to finish them, dangit), i kind of surprised the lone secretary. I rang the bell, and she came waddling out, giving me this look like, "Who are you, raincoated stranger?" but i got the books returned, so that is taken care of, so hopefully that is the last i will ever see of taylor highschool this summer. *Cheers* I have been having a good day. My friend jamie came over and we had a good time playing video games. im talking to yhaun right now, having a nice time. its been a good weekend. Current Mood: loved Current Music: "Miles Away" Wingwer (Comment on this)
Friday, July 18th, 2003
8:03 pm	the end of summer school Hurrah! I am free to relax the rest of the summer. My bestfriend amanda's birthday is coming up, and all she wants is gift certificates. ARG! I don't have that kind of money! Actually i don't have any money. Hmmmmm.......... Everyones birthday is coming up. Marty's b-day is only a week away, and yhauns is tommorrow. if people would just stop breeding so much around november. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: "Closing time" Semisonic (onehitwonders) (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 13th, 2003
1:58 pm	day three of my odyssey into kitten-motherhood the little thingy i have decided to call misty is now sitting atop my shoulder, scanning the distant horizon of this room I love this kitten. It is one of the first cats i have seen who actually likes being picked up. I just hope she doesnt develop any fears of me. She tried to leap from the coffee table to the couch last night, it was adorable. Current Mood: happy Current Music: "Baby, hold on to me." Eddie Money (Comment on this)
Friday, July 11th, 2003
8:25 pm	My maternal instinct is way out of control One of my friends has discovered her house is the meeting place for a different assortment of strays. A mother cat came around yesterday, eventually bringing her two kittens to live in the driveway. She contiuously fed her healthy young, while the runt of the two children was rejected, and was cut on its nose. The mother cat kept pushing the calico away. To top it off, a large boxer had staked out her driveway, trying to make a meal of the two little kitties. Since my friends father is allergic to cats, I am currently keeping this little calico in my home, while she nurses on cat formula every now and then. She is malnourished, and it sounds like she has a cold. This has to be the smallest kitten I have ever seen. From what my budd tells me, her brother was considerably bigger then her. ::whimper:: poor little thing. I am taking it to the vet on monday, to see what else I can do for it. This is weird. Last night I drempt I gave birth, and the baby wouldn't cry. Then it seemed to morph into a housepet. This cat rarely speaks. I need ideas for a name. I was thinking along the lines of Zelda, or Juniper, off that song from the seventies. You how it goes....Jennifer, Juniper, blah blah....... Maybe Raina, since it was raining over here. Current Mood: restless Current Music: "Lucky" Seven Mary Three (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 10th, 2003
3:57 pm	no tv and no beer make homer go, something something......... a good day it has been. A few days ago, lightning struck my apartment, and the wiring in nearly all our electronics was blown. Our tv's are gone, but it will be okay. I shall remain optimistic during this period with out any of the wonderful programs i have spent the past 16 years watching. ::sigh:: has anybody ever seen that family guy episode where peter breaks the sattelite for the cable in his city, and destroys tv for quahog? and remember that cardboard box thing he crafts for his head to simulate a television? Yeah, thats what is going to happen to me soon. J/K im fine really...... I have been writing a wicked awesome story, that i hope i can finish without my computer killing it. The lightning dessimated my modem, and we just replaced it today. today was a good day. Current Mood: horny Current Music: jefferson starship "Nothings gonna stop us now" (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 6th, 2003
3:13 pm	:-) i sent yhaun an email saying that we should get back together, and that i was willing to break up with my boyfriend for him, and here is his reply. Hey sweetie, Hehe, well I just got finished talking to you on the phone with Amanda and I read your email and it was pretty much what you told me. Well, like i said, let me first get to Houston and see you again and then let us restart our happy relationship again, hehe. I love you ohh sooo much, you're great girl and I cant tell you enough. I'll see you soon sweetie I promise! I love you lots! <3 Yhaun YAY!!!!!! ::throws confetti in the air:: Current Mood: rejuvenated Current Music: "Comfortably Numb" Pink Floyd (Comment on this)
2:24 pm	the fate of the flea market goddammit, the flea market sucks now. There is virtually nothing left, except a few crummy jewlerey shops. There was one antique shop left, where I fetched a birthday present for my dear friend martin. I need to buy amanda a present, after I pay back what i owe her. I'm going to have to get a job and actually ::gasp:: work for a living. I'm such a bum. :-p Current Music: "Midnight train to georgia" (Comment on this)
Friday, July 4th, 2003
8:20 pm	i have to admit its getting better, its getting better all the time from what it looks like, yhaun and i have patched things up. I can't wait for him to come to houston, and i hope that everything continues to go this well. I just hope i don't do anything stupid for a while, and things will go okay. i saw terminator 3 today, it was awesome. I wanted to go to kemah for 4th of july but my mom was going crazy today. It was strange, she just started screaming at me. ::shrugs:: oh well Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: "Don't you cry" guns and roses (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 1st, 2003
11:26 am	Every rose has its thorn I care about yhaun a lot. But i guess that doesnt matter now. I did not play around with him, i would never do something like that! I tried shieling drom him, but this happened, to show what an awful person. I am. I deserve whatever I get, and you are all right. Yhaun deserves the best, and i should just let him get over what happened, and make sure i do not interfere in his life anymore. The last thing he needs right now is me, and i realize now what a costly decision i have made. There is nothing left to say, and nothing left to do. Just don't judge me. I never played around with him. I am not an evil heartless bitch. But i guess i don't show that I am not. good god, you people don't even know me! You don't know why i did it, or what has happened between me and yhaun since november. He dumped me after two and half weeks because he couldn't handle being in a relationship. I respected his decision, and we were just friends. Eventually that grew into something more. he began sending me love letters, and i began feeling strong affections for him. In early june, however, I began feeling affections for someone else as well. Like the fool i am, i went ahead and started going out with someone else. I do care about him. He is one of the few good people left in this shelled out piece of shit universe. But i guess nothing i say will change his opinion about me. He hates me, and will probably never speak to me again. This is something that happens to me every goddamn day, and you think i would be used to it. I am never given a second chance to prove myself as a better person. But i guess i am not. Current Music: the i am a worthless human being song (Comment on this)
11:20 am	To all dead journal users and to all of yhauns friends, and to all people who read this I did not toy around with yhaun. If anything he toyed around me. He would tell me such wonderful wonderful things, and I wanted to date him. He did not, because of distance. I found someone else, and things kind of happened. I meant to tell him, i really did, but i couldn't make the words come. I did not mean to hurt him, so just leave me the fuck alone! I did my best to be a good person, and i would never toy around with him. He didn't even try to give our relationship a chance, and i was willing to. I didn't tell him because I was afraid, and so I made a costly decision. He made the decision not to date me, so i went out with someone else. I should have told him, yes, that was wrong. I am a coward for not telling him, but just hear me out! (Comment on this)
Monday, June 30th, 2003
6:09 am	i have done the stupidesnt thing ever i hurt my ex. I hurt yhaun. I hurt myself. And I guess this happens because of ignorance and stupidety. I wish I had told him. I wish I had told him sometime sooner. I guess this is what happens. i have not slept a wink all night. I wonder if that is a bad thing. I am so awful (2 Comments |Comment on this)
12:27 am	exboyfriends vs. the truth makoeyes987: hey I'll brb dreamerdolorie: ok makoeyes987: back dreamerdolorie: Hurray dreamerdolorie: what did you have to do? makoeyes987: absorb a few thoughts dreamerdolorie: about what? makoeyes987: nothing, its not important dreamerdolorie: tell me makoeyes987: no thats alright, whatcha up to right now? dreamerdolorie: is there anything wrong? makoeyes987: yeah, but I'll manage makoeyes987: I always do makoeyes987: it happens to me, but after awhile you get use to it dreamerdolorie: what happened? makoeyes987: I really dont want to talk about it right now, in fact its still sinking in, I'm already somewhat numbed, but it'll be fine...anyways what're you up to? dreamerdolorie: why won't you tell me? makoeyes987: because I'm really not feeling ready to now, is that ok? Why are you so concerned, do you have something to say about it that may help? dreamerdolorie: im concerned because I care about you makoeyes987: oh? thank you dreamerdolorie: why are you acting this way? makoeyes987: I just found out something that I just really did not need to hear...esp. from someone I thought I could trust.. makoeyes987: its real shitty..*sighs dreamerdolorie: im sorry makoeyes987: sorry for what? dreamerdolorie: for whatever it is that has happened to you, and is it anything I have done? makoeyes987: what makes you think that you've done something? dreamerdolorie: Because of the way you have been acting makoeyes987: *sighs makoeyes987: I gotta go though, my time is up online, however I'll talk to you later k? talk to you soon. Yahoo! Messenger: makoeyes987 has logged out. (6/30/2003 12:27 AM) what could a conversation like this mean? oh i feel so sick..... Current Mood: scared Current Music: "every rose has its thorn" (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 25th, 2003
10:09 pm	189 pounds of pure funk (baskin robbins sells good candy) I went to hobby lobby, and I bought a bag of candy, due to my craving for artificially flavored treats. The cashier looks me up and down, and says "All for you?". That wasn't a very nice thing to say. That woman was so mean. I am not fat, the world is just emaciated. Why can't I be allowed to be comfortable with who i am without some person making snide remarks about it? sheesh. Well, I'm dating a model so I guess my weight doesnt have any effect on my social life. why is this world so obsessed with outward appearence? Hm...... Mental note: write a book and get published make money buy out hobby lobby see too it that the skinny woman never gets works at another arts and crafts store in this town again. its hard dieting in highschool. your friends always have food they are willing to share . My friend practically made me take a piece of her pop tart today. I didn't eat it, but she was so insistent! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 12th, 2003
8:35 pm	Special Phys ed. (we have a succesful bowling team) My highschool is academic, purely, meaning we do not have sports, and we have book work in Phys Ed. We jam 18 week courses into 9 weeks, and just recently started adding deadlines to the assignments. No sports, hurrah! I hate them, the balls always land on my head (stop giggling, oh who am i kidding, i am too!) and the people blame me when something goes wrong in the game. competition makes me sleepy. our school used to be a very large bank. The vault still exists, and is actually housed by the library. Summer school is in one of the normal campuses in the district, so other kids are not used to the pace, but i am! Ha ha ha! Its a nice school, just not as good as it used to be, considering they stopped scanning who gets into our school. We've only existed for 8 years, and the whole system is falling apart by the seams. there will be no ten year reunion for my class. Dammit. I would have liked to see the guy who is relying on inheritance for his entire life, to squander it all on candy. He does not know what castration means. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 11th, 2003
5:09 pm	Its so damn hot i hate summer school. Did you ever have this horrible feeling that you have entered hell, and there is no exit, just a neverending hallway filled with embittered teachers who lost the passion years ago? I don't belong in summer school, I tell you! I hate inner city highschools, so very very much. ::sighs deeply:: I suppose this is my fault. Then again, it is my divine right as an american citizen to blame others for my mistakes and as an american, it is my patriotic duty to sit on my keister and do nothing the following year as I did this previous school year. Oh well. I found a buddy to walk to school with today, and that was an interesting event. I barely recodnized him due to not wearing glasses, and getting 4 hours of sleep the night before. I just can't seem to go to sleep, when there is so much to do at night. I really wish summer school was in the eveining, then I would be more productive. If only....... Current Mood: nauseated Current Music: The Verve "Perfect Sonnet" (2 Comments |Comment on this)